Open Love

Coming Soon!

My partner Patrick and I are creating a group program for individuals and partners who are in the beginning stages of ethical non-monogamy and want to start on the right foot. Find out when registration opens!

Open Love

Coming Soon!

My partner Patrick and I are creating a program for individuals and partners who are in the beginning stages of ethical non-monogamy and want to start on the right foot. Find out when registration opens!

Design a relationship as unique as you.

Are you moving towards ethical non-monogamy, but you or your partner have hesitations or fears about it?

We'll help you start your journey towards a more open relationship on the right foot.

Relationships are not one-size-fits-all. Designing your relationship(s) around your unique needs and desires could look SO many different ways. That's why this is so much bigger than "non-monogamy," "open relationships" or "polyamory". This is Relationship Design

We offer step-by-step guidance for creating a relationship that authentically works for you and whoever you're with, beyond labels or social convention.

Even if you and your partner seem to want different things when it comes to opening up, we will help you bridge the gap.

This program is for you if:

You're considering opening your relationship...

...but you and your partner have different comfort levels with the idea of an open relationship or conflicting ideas about what it would look like. Perhaps you also have trust or communication issues you need healed first. We'll help you explore all the options available to you and design your relationship agreements in the most supportive way possible—by empowering you to deeply connect with each other first, then exploring baby steps together.

You have struggled with opening up in the past.

If you have already experimented with opening your relationship and it was difficult or painful (perhaps involving a breach of trust) and now you're left with confusion, pain and/or differing desires for how to move forward, this program will walk you step-by-step through how to try again in a healthier way. In this program, learn how to rebuild trust, gain clarity on your relationship agreements, and feel more intimately connected to your partner.

"Janel helped us through the process of opening our 22-year marriage. Her amazing communication techniques gave us the wisdom, confidence & empathy we needed to transcend many years of outdated belief structures. We have been deeply moved by our ability to grow together and better honor each other’s needs and desires."

- Chris & Lina H.

Want different things? We got you.

If you and your partner have different desires around opening up, we're not going to push one of you to change nor shame one of you for being too "needy," too vanilla, too kinky, too desiring, etc. Both of your needs are valid. We will help you find win-win solutions and design a relationship that works for both of you.

In our longterm non-monogamous partnership, Patrick and I have been on both sides of the story. Sometimes, one of us wants more freedom than the other person does, and it brings up insecurity and jealousy. We both intimately understand the struggles that can come along with opening up your relationship.

This program creates a structured, ritualistic space in which you will both feel seen for what you want and accepted for where you're at. 

We'll help you and your partner feel empowered in this process!

Program Curriculum

70 powerful lessons and transformative practices:

Part 1: Secure Your Attachment

Deepening in Intimacy: Begin your journey by deepening your connection to each other through a powerful practice called "3 Questions for Deeper Intimacy."
Communication is Everything: "more open" relationships require excellent communication and emotional intelligence. Learn how to be vulnerable, express your needs and desires, de-escalate conflict and more in Janel and her partner Patrick's couple's communication workshop.
Can You Tell Each Other "No"? Naming your boundaries lovingly is a huge part of maintaining trust and connection in an open relationship. Practice a communication exercise to get more comfortable with expressing boundaries to each other.
The Importance of Check-In's: Relationship check-ins are one of the biggest predictors of success in longterm open relationships. Learn how to do a weekly or monthly check-in and practice doing one. 

30-Day Milestone: Create a foundation of secure attachment for a healthy "more open" relationship.

Part 2: Mindset Design

Relationship Myths: The "standard narrative" about love & sex is that heterosexual monogamy is the only "right" way to be in relationship...but there are many "right ways." Unlearn negative assumptions about consensual non-monogamy and begin to let go of shame together about what each of you authentically wants.
Unlearning Shame: To cultivate your own relationship rules, learn how to free your mind from relationship "supposed to's" and train your brain to believe more authentic narratives through my step-by-step process for unlearning myths.
Let's Talk About Sex: Explore your sexuality through a fantasy visualization & share to get more comfortable talking about sex. Learn why sharing desires doesn't mean you have to act on them IRL. Identify your "risk tolerance" when it comes to your sexual health and write out your values for your sex life.
Our "Positive Boundaries" & Relationship Values: "More open" relationships thrive with "positive boundaries," a term from the book Ethical Slut that means commitments you make to continue to add to the value of your relationship over time even while exploring connections with others. Discuss what success looks like for your relationship, write down your relationship values, and create your own definitions of loyalty and commitment.

60-Day Milestone: Commit to your "positive boundaries" to continue to add value to your relationship over the longterm.

Part 3: Build Your Foundation

Envision Your Relationship Structure: People think of non-monogamy as either swinging or full-blown polyamory. But there are so many more possibilities than those. Begin exploring your options beyond traditional relationship expectations. Discover the 4 kinds of monogamy, see examples of unconventional relationships that work (including an interview with Janel and Patrick about our open relationship) and discuss your feelings about all of them.
How to Handle Jealousy: Learn how to use jealousy as a tool for deeper understanding of your and your partner's fears, boundaries and needs. Practice my script for responding to your partner when they feel jealous. Share your known "triggers" and discuss ways to be considerate of each other's as you move forward.
The Importance of Baby Steps: Don't just jump into a threesome or trying to date other people right away. Explore ways to ease into consensual non-monogamy. Taking baby steps and checking in every step of the way are critical for a safe, drama-free journey towards a more open relationship.
Create Agreements for Opening Up: Complete my Relationship Design Guide together to create your agreements for connecting with others while continuing to invest in your relationship with each other. Discuss what your needs are around time management, how much information to share about your experiences with others, and more.
Navigating Different Desires: What if you have very different desires or boundaries around something when it comes to your relationship structure? Learn how to hold space for each other's fears, decide what you're willing to let go of to make the other person more comfortable (and what you're not), practice my relationship ritual for holding space for disappointment, and discover how to find healthy compromises.
Design Your Relationship Road Map: Co-create your road map for moving forward on your relationship design journey. Make agreements around sexual, emotional and romantic connections with others and hone your "positive boundaries" for how you'll stay emotionally connected to each other through your exploration. Be open to change and to keep discussing into the future, as boundaries slowly shift over time.

90-Day Milestone: Co-create and start to live by new relationship agreements that empower you both to thrive.

Additional Resources:

How to Meet Open-Minded People: a resource list I've created for you with ideas for how to meet other ethically non-monogamous or "monogamish" people, either online or locally.
Should We Tell Our Family & Friends? The pros and cons of coming out about your relationship orientation to your loved ones. This can help you decide if it's the right move for you or not and how to talk about it if so.
Should We Tell Our Family & Friends? The pros and cons of coming out about your relationship orientation to your loved ones. This can help you decide if it's the right move for you or not and how to talk about it if so.
Terminology & Definitions: what's the difference between polyamory, an open relationship and consensual non-monogamy? This list helps you understand the wide range of options for unconventional relationships.
Sexy Communication Workshop: an hour-long prerecorded workshop to help you get more comfortable with talking about sex both in and out of the bedroom.
Sex-Positive Sexed & Alternative Porn list: a compilation of sex education resources including instructional videos and feminist porn.
The EFFORT Method for De-escalating Conflict: this mini-course on how calm each other down when triggered includes a lesson & practice video with a role play partner communication exercise.
Recommended Reading list: our favorite books on all things sex and relationships.

You can have security and freedom in your relationships.

Meet Your Coaches

About Janel

Janel is a certified sex & relationship coach and anti-shame advocate. Her passion is helping partners transform fear, jealousy and insecurity into deeper connection and more authentic, fulfilling sex lives.

She became a coach because of her own personal journey of overcoming shame about her non-monogamous relationship orientation and bisexuality.

After 14 years of Catholic school, she knew she needed to go on a journey of self-discovery in order to love herself. So, she traveled the world as a cruise ship singer, lived on communes, experimented with polyamory, hiked 5,000 miles across the US and took 400 hours of coaching trainings. Along the way, she learned how to face her fears, embrace what she really wants in life and love, and talk about her needs without shame.

Now, Janel is here to help you create a more open, authentic relationship that truly fits you.

About Patrick

Challenged with painful relationships and mental health struggles in his early twenties, Patrick has studied interpersonal dynamics, compassionate communication, and human behavior for more than a fifteen years. He's passionate about helping others develop more intimate relationships, supporting people to love themselves more deeply, and educating about interpersonal and systemic power dynamics.

Patrick has worked in the private and nonprofit sector, including a period working for the Burning Man organization, taking high schoolers on weeklong wilderness backpacking excursions, and running an independent nonprofit consulting business. He has a BS and MBA from UC Berkeley and is a CTI certified coach. He has done hundreds of hours of communication and facilitation trainings, including classes on nonviolent communication, antiracism and anti-oppression, and group counseling.

Join the waitlist!

We'll contact you with more program details soon, and you'll be the first to know when registration opens. 😊
Please note: contact form submissions may be read by a Love with Janel assistant. By submitting a contact form, you acknowledge that it may not be going directly and/or only to Janel. Your information will not be shared outside the team. Also, submitting a contact form automatically subscribes you to the Love with Janel email list. Unsubscribe anytime. 

Frequently Asked Questions:

Is this a private coaching program or an online course?

We have different tiers of support available ranging from highly personalized, customized coaching to a self-study online course.

Once you apply, we'll reach out to you about the options if we believe that this program can help you and your partner(s).

Our Relationship Design coursework consists of 70 pre-recorded lessons that include a mix of video, audio, writing and reflection assessments that you will have 24/7 access to for 90 days.

Is this program for couples only?

We designed this program for partners to experience together, though there is also individuals' work included as a part of that.

However, a partner unit can comprise more than 2 people, so if you're a throuple or a poly family, you're welcome here!

Registration is per partner unit, not per person. If you have more than 2 people in your partner unit, all of you will have access to this program for 90 days.

If your partner is hesitant about taking a relationship design journey with you, we invite you to have them reach out to us so we can support them in their process, answer their questions and address their concerns.

What if my partner wants an open relationship but I'm not sure?

Welcome. You are not alone. Most of the couples in this program come to us because they are struggling with different desires for their relationship structure.

This is a Relationship Design journey with your partner. It's not to coerce you into being in a relationship structure that doesn't work for you. Just like no two people are the same, no two relationships are the same. This is an empowering journey that will help you create a relationship that is more authentic to BOTH of you, not to one of you!

And, to be honest, consensual non-monogamy could look like so many different things. Even just talking about unconventional desires or attraction to others in an empathetic, validating way is a powerful shift away from the standard narrative of relationships that will bring you closer together.

Will I have access after 90 days?

This is an 3-month intensive with unlimited access for the duration of your time in the program.

We have found that a limited time frame is most effective for our students' growth because it provides the structure, accountability and motivation to focus on and complete the program.

What's the investment for this program?

We have different tiers of support available ranging from a self-study online course to a highly personalized and customized coaching journey. Once you apply, we'll reach out to explore your options if we believe that we can help you and your partner(s).

BIPOC or LGTBQIA+ folks: we invite you to apply for one of our scholarship spots. Simply let us know in your application that you identify as a member of a marginalized group and request financial assistance in order to participate.

Is there a money-back guarantee?

We have made our program as accessible as possible by offering a payment plan in addition to our pay-in-full option.

If you identify as a member of a marginalized group (i.e. BIPOC, LGBTQIA+) and require additional assistance to participate, please talk to us about your needs as soon as possible. We are happy to explore a solution with you.

What's your refund policy?

There are no refunds for this program to ensure that all participants are 100% committed. We work with high-achieving people who won't throw in the towel if and when the going gets a little tough. This program is fun and connective and it will challenge your assumptions and expectations about sexuality—both yours and your partner's. A willingness to face a manageable level of discomfort is a prerequisite.

That being said, we are confident that you will be completely satisfied with the quality and quantity of the content, support and resources you will receive in this program. 

If you or your partner feels unhappy with the program at ANY point, reach out to your success coach or our customer support team immediately. We will find a way to make it right. 

Does this count as therapy?

I am not a licensed therapist. I hold a certification in sex & relationship coaching from the Somatica Institute. Though it is a connective and cathartic experience, this program is not a substitute for mental health therapy. 

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