Your access to the introductory couples class has expired. Join our Desire by Design program to get your intimate life back on track! 👇

It's time to enjoy sex again.

Overcome different desires in the bedroom and reclaim a mutually-fulfilling sex life in just a few months.

Does this sound like your relationship dynamic?

The "Slow to Desire" Partner

You want a slower, more sensual experience in the bedroom than your partner does.
You frequently feel disconnected from desire and it's a source of frustration for both of you and your partner.
Your partner wants more frequent, passionate, or kinky sex and you feel guilty, obligated or ashamed about it. You don't know how to bridge the gap between what they want and what you want.
You're tired of feeling like your relationship to sexuality is a reaction to what your partner wants.
You struggle to communicate your wants, needs and boundaries.

The "Strong Desire" Partner

You are craving a certain kind or frequency of sex that your partner has hesitations or limitations around, and you've been struggling to find compromises.
You mostly avoid communicating about your desires because you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings or "rock the boat."
You feel guilty or ashamed about what you want in the bedroom (maybe it seems "too kinky" or you feel "too needy") and you're tired of feeling like there is something wrong with you.
You don't want  resentment to build up, but you just don't know how to bridge the gap between what you want and what your partner is available for.

Sex is the one problem you can't seem to solve.

"We're smart people. We've been to therapy. We love each other. Why can't we figure this out?

"Sex should feel easier and more natural than this. Is there something wrong with our relationship?!"

"It's gotten to the point where even talking about our sex life feels like walking through a minefield."

Imagine what it will feel like when...

You both feel that your intimacy needs are being met (physically and emotionally) in your partnership.

You both feel confident communicating about your desires and boundaries without shame.

You're finally enjoying your erotic experiences together without either of you feeling pressured or repressed. 

Imagine sex finally being a source of life-affirming pleasure and connection—not a source of stress.

That's why I made you

Desire by Design

A virtual couples program to overcome "sexual incompatibility" and create a win-win intimate life in 6 months or less.

Celebrate big wins right away...

...even if it seems like your desires are very different.

We developed our Desire Archetypes™️ methodology to empower couples who are struggling with sexual misalignment to design a mutually-fulfilling erotic life together. 

What Our Clients Are Saying:

"My wife and I had a major break-through when we realized that her Desire Archetype™️ is Sensate. I offered to give her a long, slow, sensual massage and used the healing language you taught for her Archetype. It ended up being the first time we had sex in over 6 years! I couldn't believe it."

— Steve A.

"Desire by Design gave us permission to say what we want without it coming off as a demand or either of us taking it personally. Understanding our desires through the Desire Archetypes framework really helped take away the stigma of shame from what we want. We have pretty different Archetypes, so it’s interesting to realize, 'Oh wow, you have a different desire that's fulfilling to you. Let me tell you what’s fulfilling for me and let’s meet somewhere in the middle.' It’s been eye-opening to view sex as healing. We've realized so much about our sexual needs but also our needs in general. It's been an amazing journey of discovery for us." 

— Mike & Diana C.

Heal your intimacy step-by-step with this powerful 3-course bundle:

Tune In: 6 Days to Deeper Intimacy

Feel more present and connected to your partner and to your own body and sensuality in just the first week!

Let's Talk About Sex

Get comfortable communicating about your needs, desires and boundaries in the bedroom and overcome sexual shame once and for all.

The Desire Archetypes™️ Experience

Explore how your erotic personality types can play together and never feel "sexually incompatible" again.

1. Tune In

Do you struggle to get out of your head and into your body during sex? 

Do you and your partner seem to miss each other's "cues"? 

This short but powerful course will help you jump-start your intimacy.

You'll feel more sensual, present, and connected to your partner in 6 days.
Reconnect to your body for clarity and empowerment around your desires, needs and boundaries.
Practice mindful, embodied presence with your partner in a way that opens them up to you (and vice versa).
Gain confidence with your own sensuality and practice bringing it out to your partner in a connected way.

2. Let's Talk About Sex

Do you know what you want (or don't want) and do you feel comfortable talking to your partner about it? In this course, you will master the art of communicating about your needs, desires, wants and boundaries for a more connected and authentic sex life.

Communication is everything when it comes to sex.
Practice empowered communication around your desires without shame—and without your partner feeling pressured.
Speak your boundaries in a way that maintains a connection with your partner even in your "no."
Unlearn unrealistic expectations, cultural myths, sexual shame and limiting beliefs that are getting in your way.

3. The Desire Archetypes Experience

The Desire Archetypes™️ methodology empowers you to design a mutually-satisfying sex life around both of your erotic personality types.

Discover how your erotic personality types can play together:
Explore where your Desire Archetypes™️ overlap even if you have seemingly very different desires in the bedroom.
Enjoy enlivening new experiences and ways of relating erotically to your partner in a low-pressure container.
Create a road map for maintaining your intimate connection.

You'll also enjoy these BONUS mini-courses:

The Connected Couple

Master the basics of couples communication for emotional intimacy and create a routine of relationship check-ins for a healthy partnership.

Sex School

Enjoy our how-to's and workshops on all things erotic, from orgasms to oral sex to giving each other a mind-blowing sensual massage!

Plus, get coaching and community.

As soon as you join Desire by Design, you will be granted 24/7 lifetime access to our private virtual community.

There, you can ask questions, get support, celebrate your wins, and learn from the experiences of others who are also on a journey of sexually empowering their relationships.

Reconnecting should be enlivening, not draining.

Have you already tried traditional couples therapy but it didn't help your sex life and you left feeling drained? That's because experiences are more effective—and, frankly, more fun—than talk therapy or left-brain learning alone when it comes to sex. In this program, you'll explore dozens of connective, creative and transformational exercises and partner practices in a low-pressure setting to get you results.

Our experiential partner exercises include:

Meditations & visualizations
Role playing
Self-touch exercises
Partner touch & non-verbal connection exercises
Clothes-on and clothes-off practices to suit your comfort level at each stage of the program

"Desire by Design is life-changing—one of the best investments we've ever made. Your exercises gave us new confidence to talk about and explore our needs together. Our relationship has gotten closer, sexier, more intimate and more trusting. We couldn't have done it without this program! Every couple struggling with their sex should do this.

— Kai F. & Lara H.

Meet Your Coach

Janel Vitale

Hi! I'm Janel, a certified Somatica® Method sex & relationship coach obsessed with Relationship Design—the concept that you can design your intimate relationships around your desires instead of suppressing your needs and trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all model of how love and sex are "supposed to" be.

I created Desire by Design because of my own intimacy struggles.

Mismatched desires has been an obstacle in almost every relationship I've ever been in. It's hard to find a partner with the exact same sexual needs. Sometimes I want more sex or more of a certain kind of sex than my partner does, and sometimes I am the less desirous and more hesitant partner. As a result, I intimately understand the frustration of both sides.

I started noticing that many of my friends AND clients are struggling with this issue in their relationships, so I knew it was time to help as many people as possible reconnect to desire, to their partners, and to themselves.

I am confident that this journey will empower you and your partner to rebuild your erotic connection.

I have seen that with the right tools, couples with very different sexual needs can create a win-win sex life. I'm honored to be your guide on your journey to create the thriving intimacy you crave.

"Janel skillfully and lovingly creates one of the most intimate experiences you will ever engage in. You will feel seen, held and accepted for who you are in this program. She is the only coach I know whose expertise is designing relationships around authentic desires.

Choose Desire by Design. You will not be disappointed."

— Thea Robnett

MA Integrative Health & Healing, Sex & Relationship Coach

You can do this program from anywhere, on your schedule.

You can complete our pre-recorded course material from the comfort of your couch or the privacy of your bed! This program is completely digital, so you can access it from any device through our online course portal.

How much time will it take?

The Gottman Institute recommends that couples spend 6 hours a week of quality time together to maintain a healthy relationship. We ask that you spend 6 hours a month (between 1-2 hours a week) for 6 months on this program. Think of it as a weekly connection date with your partner! That being said, you two are free to go at your own pace and do the lessons and exercises on your own schedule. 

How do I know if this is for me?

Desire by Design is for you if:

You're a committed couple (that doesn't just mean married!) who is embarking on this journey together.
You're ready to invest time and energy into getting closer and enjoying more connected, win-win sex.
You're ready to be vulnerable and push yourself out of your comfort zone (in a healthy way, not in a traumatic way).
You strive to be open-minded and non-judgmental about all the different ways people experience sexuality and desire.

It's NOT for you if:

You and your partner are struggling with severe relationship or mental health issues. If so, we recommend private counseling before this program.
You're judgmental about certain acts when it comes to consensual sex.
You're not open-minded about what "success" in sex could look like for you and your partner.
You're not willing to be vulnerable and face a healthy amount of discomfort to grow.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Will we get coaching in this program?

There are several avenues for live support in this program, though it's not private coaching.

  • Join our program coach and community manager Becky for her weekly open "office hours" (currently on Monday mornings Pacific time).
  • Ask questions and share struggles and wins in our private virtual community.
  • Come to our occasional live virtual events such as workshops and small group coaching and connection events.

If you feel you need private coaching in tandem with Desire by Design to keep you on track: 

  • Our program coach Becky is happy to do a discovery session with you and your partner and explore options for additional support. 
  • Simply join Desire by Design, then send her a message in our coursework/community platform inquiring about private coaching.

Can I participate without my partner?

Though there are some lessons, exercises and reflections specifically for individuals, we designed most of the experiential practices in this program for couples to ensure the transformation you are both seeking for your intimate life. 

To get you the results you want, you must be willing to embark on this journey togetherThink of this program is an opportunity for a weekly structured connection date with your partner!

How do I login to the coursework library?

This program is hosted in a platform called Mighty Networks that is designed for online courses and communities. There is a Mighty Networks app you can download to access the content on your phone. When you sign up, you will receive automatic email instructions on how to login. Once inside the platform, you'll see a menu with Courses, upcoming Events, and Community Feed.  

Will we have lifetime access to the content?

Yes! However, that may change in the future, so take advantage of this offer now.

Is the program investment for both of us?

Yes! The investment is per couple, not per person. Only one partner needs to sign up for the program.

What's your refund policy?

We offer a 7-day refund period to make sure you're totally satisfied with the program.

If you or your partner feels dissatisfied with the program after the first week of exploring the content, please reach out to us to let us know. We will do our best to make it right!

Does this count as therapy?

Our team is trained in the Somatica® Method of sex & relationship coaching. We are not licensed therapists. This program is not a substitute for mental health therapy. 

Getting on the same page in the bedroom will empower you to:

Save thousands of dollars in therapy that you're not even sure will work for this issue.
Enjoy physical and emotional intimacy with your partner again after way too long!
Prevent bigger problems in your relationship that could develop from the stress of this disconnection.
Gain confidence, emotional intelligence and communication skills that will improve every aspect of your life, not just your relationship.

Your life before:

You feel ashamed about sex.
You feel guilty about your desires OR you're not even sure what turns you on.
You feel uncomfortable expressing your boundaries in the bedroom or you're not sure what yours even are.
The topic of sex is a source of stress for you and your partner, so you mostly avoid talking about it.
You have no idea how to compromise between what you want and what your partner wants.

Your life after:

You feel reconnected to your desire and body and have a newfound ability to tap into your sensuality.
You feel a deep intimacy with your partner again. Sex is finally a source of joy, creativity and connection.
You and your partner know how to navigate your sexual differences based on your Desire Archetypes™, so you're both getting what you want.
You feel confident communicating about your wants, needs and boundaries in the bedroom.
You aren't worried about hurting your partner's feelings by saying things "the wrong way."

Don't go another day feeling frustrated.

You can either keep feeling disconnected and resentful about your sexual misalignment while looking for answers in books, blogposts and expensive private sessions with talk therapists who may not even specialize in desire...

 - or -

You can take a big step towards the sex life you want by joining Desire by Design today.

Claim the tools you need to design the intimate relationship you want.

"Janel's tools for exploring and talking about our desires and fears helped us create space and understanding where before there was a wall of frustration and stress that felt completely insurmountable. Feeling relief from the ways we’ve been “stuck” gives us much-needed hope about what's possible for us moving forward."

— Chelsea & Sophie T.

It's time to say yes to desire.

Payment plan


for 3 months

One enrollment per couple (2 for the price of 1)
3 core courses and 2 bonus mini-courses 
100's of video, audio and written lessons and powerful partner practices
24/7 access to our private community
Lifetime coursework access

one-time investment


pay in full and save

One enrollment per couple (2 for the price of 1)
3 core courses and 2 bonus mini-courses
100's of video, audio and written lessons and powerful partner practices
24/7 access to our private community
Lifetime coursework access

See you inside!

— Janel

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